I work at the level of identity because it is the only layer where I have consistently seen change hold. Everything above it — motivation, technique, strategy, discipline — works for a while and then returns the person to who they already believed they were. This page is about how I came to that conclusion, what I believe as a result, and what I am trying to build.
Why this work, and not something else
Anu — this section is yours and I have not written it. It needs the part only you know: what you were doing before, the moment or the period that turned you toward this, and what you saw in yourself or in someone close to you that made identity the thing you could not leave alone.
Two or three paragraphs. Specific rather than inspiring. The detail people remember is usually the small concrete one — a room, a sentence someone said, a year that did not go the way it was supposed to.
If it is easier, answer these out loud and send me the recording: What were you doing before this? What made you stop doing it? What was the thing you kept noticing that nobody around you seemed to be naming?
What I believe
People are rarely short of information. Almost everyone who reaches me can describe their pattern accurately, sometimes better than I could. They have read the books. They have done the courses. The knowing is not missing. What is missing is the bridge between knowing and doing, and that bridge is not built out of more knowing.
Insight is not change. Understanding why you do something is genuinely satisfying and frequently changes nothing. The satisfaction is part of the problem — it releases just enough pressure to make the next round of not-doing bearable. I would rather a client leave a session having done one small uncomfortable thing than having had a brilliant realisation.
Behaviour is downstream of identity. You can force a behaviour for a while through motivation or fear. It holds until the pressure lifts, then you return to the person you believe you are. This is not weakness. It is a system doing exactly what systems do.
Most patterns began as intelligence, not damage. The over-functioning, the vigilance, the need for approval — these were usually good solutions to a real situation. The problem is that they kept running long after the situation ended. I am not interested in treating a person’s adaptations as pathology. I am interested in whether they are still required.
Change has to be earned in evidence. Identity does not move on decision. It moves on proof, accumulated slowly, usually in unglamorous places. This is why my work is not a weekend and never will be.
What someone gets must exceed what it cost them. And the cost is not only the fee — it is the hours, the honesty, the discomfort. I hold this rule strictly, including for things I give away. If a free assessment takes forty minutes, it had better return something they could not have got in forty minutes of thinking.
What I do not believe
This part matters as much, and it is shorter.
I do not believe you are broken. I do not believe there is a version of you waiting to be unlocked by the right technique. I do not believe motivation is a strategy. I do not believe transformation happens in a weekend, or that anyone can promise you an outcome that depends on what you do when they are not in the room.
And I do not believe coaching replaces therapy. They are different jobs. When someone in front of me needs clinical care, my job is to say so plainly and lose the work.
If I cannot tell you what my method will not do, you should not trust me about what it will.
How that shows up in the work
I am a counselling psychologist as well as a coach, and I do not think of those as separate qualifications sitting on a shelf. The psychology is why I will not overclaim, why I read the research rather than the summaries of it, and why I will refer someone out without hesitation.
The coaching is why I am not content to leave a person with an accurate understanding of themselves and nothing else.
The work is called Nazariya — perspective, the lens a thing is seen through. It runs in a sequence: find the drift between who someone is and how they are living, name the loop producing it, work at the belief underneath, then build evidence until the new position holds without effort.
What I am trying to build
Also yours — but here is my read of it from what you have said, to argue with rather than start from scratch.
You have said the job is to bring people in and genuinely help them, and that you want a community rather than an audience. You have said you would rather nurture than sell. You keep choosing the honest version even when the sellable version is right there.
My guess at your vision: a place in India where identity work is taken as seriously as therapy is beginning to be, done without mysticism and without overclaiming, so that a person who is functioning perfectly well but quietly stuck has somewhere credible to go.
Correct that, or replace it entirely. It should be in your words.
Who I am, on paper
Counselling psychologist. NLP Master Coach. Emotional intelligence coach, parenting coach and soft skills trainer. TEDx speaker. Author of A Life That Breathes.
Worth adding here: years in practice, roughly how many people you have worked with, where you trained, and anything that is verifiable. Specific numbers do more for trust than adjectives — and unlike adjectives, nobody can claim them without having earned them.
If any of this landed
Start where it is specific
The Identity Drift assessment takes about fifteen minutes and tells you where the distance actually sits, rather than what kind of person you are. Free, and yours whether or not we ever speak.
Take the Identity Drift assessment →Or read what identity coaching is · why it works when other things didn’t
Please read. Coaching is not therapy, counselling, psychotherapy, psychiatry or medical treatment, and working with me does not create a clinical relationship. Nothing here is intended to diagnose or treat any condition. If you are experiencing significant psychological distress, please speak to a qualified mental health professional or your doctor.